Dr. Gomez came at 12:15 pm for a follow-up: 6 cm! We were optimistic :-) We had a few more hours to keep trying to go natural alhamdulillah.
I was all over the place mentally. I was running on a total of 4 hours in the last 36 hours and was so fidgety that I needed had to get some sleep in before the final check on Wafa. Wafa had remembered that I hadn't fed the cat, and 3amty didn't bring the blanket she was working on. I wasn't sleeping comfortably in the delivery room so I would wake up every 10 minutes or so, and being anxious for the baby and cringing whenever Wafa had a contraction wasn't helping, so Wafa told me it was best for me to go home, feed Hurairah, get 3amty's blanket, sleep for a bit and come back at 3. I think she also sent me away for her sanity. She hates it when I'm like this, being everywhere mentally and as a result being everywhere physically, unfocused. She needed to be as relaxed as possible, and my behavior wasn't helping anyone, though I was acting this way because I was trying to help. Oh, the irony!
I get home. Poor kitty hadn't been fed since Saturday and it was Monday afternoon. He meowed and meowed and walked between my legs until I put food in his bowl. I had planned to take a shower and trim my beard to look as presentable as possible for my baby when she would first see me. I plugged in my trimmer to charge, put 3amty's blanket by the door to make sure I wouldn't forget it, and went into bed. Hurairah was still meowing, dying for attention. He was alone since we had left the morning before, so I took him to bed with me. He wouldn't let me sleep. All he wanted was someone to scratch/pet him, and I couldn't do it right then. Just like being a father, I guess. But this wasn't my child. So I kicked him out and went to sleep...
The phone is ringing like it's pissed off! I look at it half-asleep and wonder why is this thing yelling at me like I did something wrong. It was Wafa and I answered. "Salaamu 3alaykum," I said half-asleep. "Wa 3alaykum assalaam. Where are you, habeeby?" "I'm at home. You woke me up." "It's past 3. I thought you would've been here by now." It was 3:15! Wafa hadn't dilated any more, so we had to go with a C-section, and they were waiting on me. I quickly freshened up. No time to trim, so I put the trimmer away. No time to change my clothes, put my sweats back on. And here we go.
Gotta stay calm. Nothing's gonna happen without me. I made it a point to drive the speed limit instead of the usual 5 mph over to stay in control. I got to the hospital, grabbed the parking ticket, and parked on the far right side of the lot in front of Building D. Gotta stay calm. Took the elevator up to the 7th floor. Gonna have a baby now. Nothing's gonna happen without me. Gotta stay calm! I get to the delivery room and find Wafa already prepped to go to the OR. My parents and 3amty were around her, as were the nurses and Dr. Gomez. I gave Wafa a hug before they wheeled her away and told her "I'll see you soon, buboos!" I had 10 minutes before I was able to go down to the OR. I tore open the bag that had my scrubs in it. I was told it was going to be cold in the OR so I tried to put on the top over my sweater, but it didn't work so Dr. Gomez held my sweater as I got into my top. I put the bottoms over my sweatpants and scrub shoes over my shoes, and scrub over my hair. My parents and 3amty went to the waiting room, and I waited alone in the delivery room, keeping my cool and grasping the idea that in less than an hour, I was going to be a father.
I didn't like being in that room by myself, so I waited in the hall. I realized that in my hurry to leave the apartment, I didn't pray asr. I remembered I had wudoo, so I prayed in the delivery room in my scrubs. Appropriate, I thought, to pray in the clothes that I would be in when our child comes into this world.
I went back outside and my parents were wandering the hallway on their way back to the waiting room. Baba did a double-take to me when turning the corner and gave me a look. Then Mama looked out to me. "I know that look," I told Baba. "Which look?" he said. "The 'are you ready for this?' look." Alhamdulillah, I was ready for the birth, and I was ready to be a father. A father: the idea had sunk in. It was going to be a few minutes before the nurses would come for me to escort me to the OR, so my parents kept me company. Some familiar nurses walked towards me, but they weren't going to take me. Other nurses came by. Not for me. And then they came for me. Mama and Baba said they'll wait for me in the waiting room. On to the OR... It's Baby Time!
Entering the OR, I put on my mask and found Wafa lying down with her arms spread ready for surgery. It was a weird position to see her in. It looked like she was about to be nailed to a cross, but there would be no crucifixion today. In a few minutes, she will be cut open to bring in our child into the world. Ya Allah... I couldn't imagine what was going on in Wafa's mind, but I know I had to repeat the same thing I've been repeating all along: Keep it together. Keep it together. This time I added "we're almost there". Keep it together. Keep it together. We're almost there.
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